​The Most Unappreciated Member

I still remember the lyrics to the classic Bette Midler song, “Wind Beneath My Wings”.  The words that stick out to me the most are “you were content to let me shine…that’s your way”.  The entire song really is meant to point out the appreciation for one that is willing to be a silent supportive spouse in a relationship where the other spouse gets all the glory.  Unquestionably, in church this “supportive spouse” is the pastor’s wife.  Nobody…NOBODY…knows the work that a pastor’s wife puts into the ministry of her husband and pastor.  It is immeasurable. 
 
In Proverbs, we read, “An excellent wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10).  I say Amen and Amen!  But a pastor who finds an excellent wife has worth that is even more precious.  I have heard the story numerous times of men who felt the call to ministry only to have no support from their spouse.  The wife was content to support him as long as he was merely a layperson.  She may have supported him as a Bible teacher.  But as soon as he mentioned a call to preach, he lost her support.  In some cases, she bolted leaving him in shambles and his ministry in question.  This is real life.  This is not hearsay.  Ministry is hard.  It takes a special woman to be a pastor’s wife. 
 
People don’t realize the agony that a pastor often goes through.  If he’s worth his weight, his study time is spent trying to supply his flock with a spiritual diet in hopes that they will grow in grace…in knowledge…in enduring service.  Yet this is not always the case.  There is often heartache when a pastor has spent the week in laborious study over a passage that is hard…or convicting…or greatly practical…or any number of things.  Look…preaching is difficult.  Faithful men spend hours preparing 45 minute sermons in hopes that the congregation will benefit.  Then Sunday comes and the church is half full.  Oftentimes, people don’t seem to understand that the man they hired to lead them is striving to do that while they aren’t doing their part.  He still preaches but he’s broken because those that needed it most were out…again.  He truly has nobody to go to except the Lord in prayer…and his wife.  She gets hit with the brunt of his concerns.  It’s inhuman not to express hurts and pains.  The pastor’s wife…a good pastors wife…is there for him.  She supports him when he feels he has no support.  She is the wind beneath his wings when he’s ready to toss in the towel. 
 
My wife has never made being a pastor’s wife look anything but easy.  Where ministry has led, she has enthusiastically followed.  Whatever the ministry, she has supported.  Wherever I’ve preached, she’s been.  Throughout my ministry, she has missed one revival service that I’ve preached out of town – one.  It doesn’t matter where it was in the country…how long the drive was…how many services we’d be at.  She’s been there.  When I filled the pulpit at a church on Sunday evenings 2 hours from our hometown for a year, she was there.  When I committed to preach at 8:00 am on Sunday mornings an hour away from our hometown, she was there.  Eighteen years I was bi-vocational.  She did everything…literally.  She had no help with cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, etc.  She did it all – with a smile.  She never complained.  She knew it was necessary and she took to it like a champ.  Ministry comes first in our house and she (apparently) just feels she has a role. 
 
On Sunday mornings, the pastor is met at the door with handshakes and hugs.  Certainly, the pastor’s wife is too.  But then the focus shifts to him while she takes a back seat.  He gets the questions…he gets the prayer requests…he receives the respect due to the office…he has all eyes on him as he relays God’s Word to the people.  There she sits quietly with her Bible in her lap just like any other member.  The years she has been there supporting her man (and her pastor) are overlooked by most.  She wasn’t called, per se, but she’s in ministry by default.  She didn’t commit to the position of pastor, necessarily, but she’s in the pastorate (in a sense) by default.  She appears to just be a “regular” member.  But she’s more…far more.  Her work throughout the years has contributed to his message this very day.  Her support throughout their lives has put him in a position to do what he does daily…weekly.  Without her, he’s disorganized and unprepared.  But she has created an environment in the home so he can fulfill his role. 
 
I’ve received phone calls in the middle of the night more than once.  Some of these certainly were serious.  Sometimes, I was informed of a death and how somebody had a need.  Other times, I have wondered exactly why the call had to be made at 1:00 am.  It didn’t seem important to me, really.  Was the person just still awake and assumed I was?  Who knows?  But remember, when you wake the pastor, you wake his wife too.  When he is called to serve somewhere, she picks up his duties around the home and handles it – somebody has to.  The kids sure don’t!  These times she is just as affected as the man God called into ministry but she rarely ever receives credit. 
 
This weekend I was preaching in West Virginia.  The services were great.  The fellowship was great.  But none of it would have been possible without the support of my wife.  She made time for me to prepare.  She took on duties for the family that were necessary if ever I was to prepare the sermon.  I’ve had some lower back issues lately that bother me most when I drive.  She drove 9 hours one-way – there and back.  I was enabled to take a crate full of books with me to read and study all while she sat in the drivers seat.  She only required a Coke ever so often – what a deal!  Hey…and she even stopped by Krystal!  Win win!!
 
Our church has active members, for the most part.  We have men willing to volunteer to fill the pulpit when I’m out, people to teach classes, to lead music, to clean, to cook, to set up community service projects, to keep our ministry outreach updated, etc.  All of these positions take time – some more than others.  All of these positions are stressful to a degree.  All of these positions “intrude” into “normal life”.  But none of them compare, really, to the sacrifice made by the pastor’s wife.  She didn’t ask for it, but she willingly accepted her role.  I remember the day I told her that I was feeling the Lord’s lead to preach.  Her response – “I’m here for you no matter what He leads you into”.  Talk about a calming response.  And her resolve that day has never changed.  She’s been here every single moment.  She’s always taken the approach that we are a “ministry first” family.  And she hasn’t done this out of compulsion, but willingly. 
 
The pastor’s wife is the most unappreciated member.  I’m not saying my wife is unappreciated by our church or that she is slighted.  I don’t mean that.  What I mean is the amount of time that is required for a pastor’s wife to dedicate to ministry is simply unknown by the congregation.  It’s overlooked – not purposely, but it’s overlooked nonetheless.  It takes great effort and much personal sacrifice to be a pastor’s wife.  This is one pastor that has not overlooked it.  I love my wife more daily and I am greatly thankful to the Lord for His blessing me with her.  Without her, the pastorate I’ve filled since 1998 looks a lot differently in hindsight.  She has been wind beneath my wings.  And like the songwriter, I can say with absolute certainty that my wife is my hero.